As lonely as you are – 5

Unsure again

How could I be so certain that Rey was fancying me? Having only had one conversation. Maybe he was just being kind. That makes me think of the past.
Every time I met someone new, they were showing off their nicest feathers, most powerful side like male birds do. But when I was ‘taken’ they turned bad.
One was bringing me little presents every time we met, for the first month.
Another one seemed to be willing to listen to my thoughts and feelings. After a while, it was not the case anymore.

I was never able to preserve the initial kindness afterwards. Always tried to accomplish this positivity again.
First I thought that things were going wrong because I didn’t do my best enough. Then I thought that I had the right to defend myself from the criticism and attacks I experienced. Perhaps it was not that bad after all, but I started to fight back and that was the beginning of the end.

I don’t want to go there.


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