Lola – 3

Beyond repair 
 
Once upon a time, I was dancing with a boy, I don’t even know his name anymore. I loved dancing and was always doing my thing, moving freely in all directions.
He could lead without limiting me. He didn’t let go of me for a moment, determined my every move and yet I had the feeling that I was perfectly at liberty to do whatever I wanted. I never knew I could dance that way.
 
Ten days before my 50th birthday I had a car accident. My consciousness was benevolently absent during the crash, so I cannot remember any fear or pain. But I saw it coming. 
When I recovered I couldn’t move my legs. It took two years to recuperate. I’m an inhabitant of a wheelchair ever since.  

I still have the idea of being the same person I was. But others see me as a cripple in a wheelchair. It is a strange paradox; wanting to be the same human being like before, or like others are on one hand and expecting courtesy and help because of a handicap on the other hand. 

Horses remain important in my life. A handicap; a handicap race is where a horse has to carry extra weight. That says it all. Although this event and the consequences have also brought good stuff into my life. Taught me to think deep, not to take things for granted.
 
  

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