Decision – part 10
I am happy. Happy with Manny, happy with my work, with the place I live, the friends I have, certainly.
I decided to keep it that way. I won’t fantasize anymore about falling in love again.
There are all sorts of couples here; two women together with or without children, mothers alone with children in the colony. Outside the colony there are men and women raising their sons shoulder to shoulder. Two men together who may mentor the boys leaving the colony, so it is all possible. But I’m fine the way I live.
Carol masters a skill I don’t; she can be together with a man. And she has found a man worthy of her love and her occasional subordination. I admire her for that.
Our friendship has deepened over time. She is very important to me.
Manny is close with Rocky, although Rocky has reached the age when boys are not allowed inside. So Manny goes to visit, or we go together. It is good that he can get used to being outside. Also good for me; he won’t leave from one moment to the other.
Boyd circles around us like a predator. Every time he appears, our harmony is disturbed. It would be fine to just be happy with a child like Manny. To work together and give him the best and most we can.
I have the feeling that Boyd wants to erase me. Like I’ve had my time and now it’s his turn. When Manny was little, he wasn’t that interested at all. He slowly came closer as Manny was growing. I was glad that he got involved and that Manny wouldn’t have to get familiar with a stranger. But now Boyd is secretive with Manny, he makes me feel that everything I say or do can and will be used against me. That reminds me of how the Security Service worked back where I’ve come from.
Anyhow, no regrets here. I wouldn’t want to live any other life, make any other choices than the ones I’ve made. At least I’ve made choices, life didn’t just happen to me.